Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Secondary Infertility

Recently I read an article about secondary infertility (SI). SI is when you conceive your first child without any problems, but must need medical intervention to conceive again. Many times people don't know why they can't conceive. They may try for a long time because they don't know there's a problem. The lady said because she conceived naturally the first time she finds people are harsh with her about infertility. She said she receives rude comments on how she has one and should be happy from those still struggling to have the one.

I was shocked on many levels while reading the article. I'm on or have been on both sides of her struggle. I've been one to have little sympathy for someone with SI. I figure if they did it naturally once they can do it again. Truthfully we have a VERY slim chance of getting pregnant each month meaning it could happen naturally, just not likely. Those with SI could have just hit the month perfectly early on, gotten pregnant, then realized they have a problem when trying for number two. In 10 years I could always fall pregnant like someone with SI did in their first months of ttc. Thursday I was talking with someone from my church who just learned she was pregnant. A said she can go a year without a period then bleed for 60 days. Because of her crazy cycle A went on birth control just to have more of a handle on her cycle. She said they had just gotten off the pill so they could start ttc and immediately got pregnant. If she was someone who was always on the pill she might not know she is dealing with fertility issues.

Speaking of A being pregnant, please keep her and her baby in your prayers. Although she has two little boys, A has been pregnant many times, but doesn't always make it past the first trimester. The Bible says all the days of our lives were written down before one came to pass. In the medical world day one is after one full day post conception. This little one is over seven weeks old. A needs peace during this time. She said she isn't telling about the pregnancy for fear of losing it any day. A doesn't need to live in fear so please pray for her.

The second way I relate to the article is ttc after having Kaitlyn. People really do have little sympathy for those still on the infertility journey. You know I don't think most people really want sympathy; just not to be treated, talked about, ect... like we're second class citizens because we are willing to keep marching down this rocky road.

Yesterday I was thinking of all the politicians who hold my fertility and thousands of others in their hands. More then likely it is either someone who has chosen not to have kids or has naturally had all the children they desired. It's someone who infertility hasn't graced their door step. They have no idea the emotional, physical, and financial struggle that infertility brings to a couple. I have thought about this often. Especially because in the UK I can legally on have two embryos put in at a time. If I had a choice I would put three in hoping one would "stick". In all my pondering I came back to the same thing I've heard a couple times and know others have heard many times and that is those with infertility shouldn't do more then pray and keep trying. There are those who believe fertility treatments are wrong. Of course the majority of those who believe that don't deal with infertility. I remember where I was the first time someone questioned the ethics behind fertility treatments. My thought was girl you haven't even started ttc. Knowing her other medical problems she is dealing with, infertility could easily be one of them. If she does decide to try she may be singing a different tune.

Anyway, I was going through this random dialogue in my head. To those who say fertility treatments - especially IVF - are wrong...

Look this baby in the eyes and tell her she was never supposed to be.

Tell her if you had your choice she never would have been.

Oh come on don't be like that. Yes, I know it's harder to say, "I wish you were never born when looking a baby in the eyes."

Is this easier? Go ahead and tell us we don't deserve children, but when you do make sure you back it with scripture not just your fertile minded opinion.

Now stop being a coward and trying to hide behind the Bible to justify Kaitlyn having never come to existence. If you read your Bible you would know your excuse doesn't hold water.

We could mix the ingredients together all we want - like the sperm and egg in an IVF - but we can't give it life. God is the giver of life. (Genesis 2:7) The doctor could inject as many sperm into eggs he wants, but only God can breathe the breath of life into it.

Psalms 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

All the days. God knew how Kaitlyn would be conceived. Life begins at conception... He planned it. He chose not to give life to some of the other embryos the doctor tried to create. In a couple weeks we will learn if He has chosen to allow us to keep some of those embryos. And next month we will learn if He has chosen for Kaitlyn to be an only child or a big sister.


Nanette said...

I am part of an adoption ministry and have met couples that have and are experiencing infertility and have heard about the emotional turmoil they go through. I believe that God guides you and gets you through all situations and whatever choices you make are between you and God and no one else should judge or question your choices. Best of luck on your journey and may God Bless you and your family. I updated my post on Hurricane Gustav. We made it through fine, just no power.

Hilary said...

Oh Jennifer!!

You know how I my heart I know God had planned for Kaitlyn to have a sibiling..praying for you!!

Tim and Jamie Edwards said...

I am with you in your struggle and have many friends here in Thailand who are going though the same thing. One couple whose child was born on July 1st through the ICSI process. Our son will be 1 on Dec. 30 and come Feb. we will once again ttc. I dread the process of infertility treatment, but we only have 6 months left in Thailand and financially it is cheapest here and the only way we can afford it so as I enjoy the last few months with my not so new born son :) i think ahead already to what it will take to conceive #2 :)

You are NOT alone