Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Wedding Etiquette

I was talking with someone today and the topic of wedding etiquette came up.  I don't mean how you should behave at a wedding, but all the pre-stuff the bride and groom chose to do.  While looking up a couple different things about wedding etiquette it really got me reminiscing about people I know who have had issues with weddings they attended or were supposed to attend.  I know ultimately all the decisions in a wedding are up to the bride and groom.  Yes, it's their big day and the rest of us are just there to see the show.  However, it's not always pleasant.  One lady I know had a newborn within a month of her good friend's wedding.  The bride declared the wedding and reception child free.  The friend contacted the bride asking if she could take her newborn because she was breastfeeding him.  The bride said no.  It was her choice to do so, but frankly I think she's a jerk.  Her suggestion was for her friend to get a hotel room (out of town wedding) and hire someone to sit in the hotel with the baby; that way she could slip out and feed the baby when needed.  I never heard what she did.  There's about a 98% chance, even if it were family, that I wouldn't go to a wedding if they said Kaitlyn Joy couldn't be there.  We're a family and do everything together.  It's the bride and grooms choice to not have them and it would be my choice not to go to their wedding.

I think the bride and groom forget how the wedding really isn't just about them.  Sure the spotlight is on them, but that doesn't mean it's all about them.  Weddings are supposed to be celebrations.  I read something a couple months ago saying for the average guest it can cost them $500 to attend a wedding.  Included in the cost are wedding attire, gifts, travel expenses, and lodging, if it's out of town.  The price was even higher if you were in the wedding; I believe close to $1,000.  The reason it is so much higher is because there are additional, pre-wedding, expectations.  Of course this is the average.  I've never paid that much, but weddings are pricey.

One issue we talked about was the role of family in your big day.  Do you have them all in, pick and choose, or do you leave them all out?  On a couple different sites the suggestions were to put immediately family in even if you don't know them well.  One bride wanted to know if she needed to put the grooms sister in.  The sister didn't live nearby so the bride has spent little time with her.  The suggestion was to put her in because it could be bonding for you.  Plus you don't want to create hard feelings before you even join the family.  I won't share any details because I want to spare feelings, but Neal and I had a handful of family issues that we had to work out.  Let me clarify, we never had one family member come to us with a complaint; although there may have been some.  It was our behind the scene juggling I'm talking about.  Well, there was one issue I will mention.  Our wedding date was a problem.  We were trying to figure out how to do the juggle of Neal starting a new job and his old job ending.  We came up with two dates that worked best for us.  His then current job said the first date didn't work for them, but they were good with the second date.  That settled it.  Unfortunately, my sister-in-law's brother picked the same date for his wedding.  Because we live across the country from each other it was impossible for my SIL and nephew to be at our wedding.  One article I came across talked about how there isn't a set rule on how many flower girls you can have.  That really got me thinking.  My cousin has three girls all just over a year apart.  The middle one was in our wedding.  Anyway, I was thinking how we could have had all three of them do it.  Then I remembered how pricey flower girl dresses are and that would be a lot to ask one family to pay for.  I don't remember if I talked with Aunt JoAnn about this, but one of the sites said you should speak with the family members who are parents of all eligible kids if you won't be using them in the wedding.  Like with the bride not wanting the groom's sister in her wedding, the point in going to the parents is to create family harmony.

So the point of all my ramblings?  I don't know I'm tired now and still typing. =)

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