Wednesday, July 11, 2012

You're Super Duper Special

My friend Lisa was telling a story about a couple friends of hers.  A dad-to-be (D2B) asked a single guy (SG) if his pregnant wife's life was hanging in the balance who would he choose the wife or baby?  D2B said his wife, hands down.  He told SG they can always make another baby.  I'm not sure if SG ever answered his question or if he did, what Lisa said his response was.  She finally spoke up though telling our story and how I still think of the twins daily.  When she was in the middle of telling me the story I thought she was saying the SG asked the D2B the question.  I was shocked by his rudeness given that D2B's wife was far along in her pregnancy; that would be the worst pregnancy nightmare.  Okay, it's really right up there at the top with pregnancy loss and still birth.  Personally, I would continue the pregnancy.  God has a reason why he gave us the baby so who am I to say "I'm more important"?

God and pregnancy... that brings me to another thought.  People can be really down on fertility treatments.  They say we're playing God.  Well guess what folks...  God is the giver of life.  Doctors can set you up to "win" all they want, but they can't give the embryo life.  Scientist can mix all the ingredients together that we're all made of, but they can't breathe life into it.  Only God can create life.  Period.  I've heard and read people say that if you're going to play God and get pregnant with multiples that you need to finish playing God and reduce (aka abort one or more).  I would like to go back to God being the giver of life.  If you're pregnant with quintuplets, God knows.  If he only wants you to have twins (IMO) then he will "reduce" the number for you.  Now, I'm not condoning ladies who knowing put multiple embryos in their uterus.  Octomom makes the rest of us who must do fertility treatments look bad.  I figure if I put two embryos in and God really wants me to have four kids, He will split them.  It's happened before actually; not to me though.  After our embryo transfers in England I would tell Neal, "We could have twins or triplets or quadruplets".  Is it likely?  No, but it is possible and completely up to God.  I know of a family in Dallas that took Clomid to get pregnant (makes you ovulate).  It looked like they could possible have triplets if all the eggs fertilized, but they ended up with quads.  She had a set of identical twins in the bunch.

England or the UK rather is always changing their rules; they were when we were there anyway.  The year we arrived they made a law that a child from a sperm or egg donor could have their file opened at 18.  For the kids, I think this could be a good thing.  I'm sure there are many who wonder who they really came from, their family history and so forth.  But many of the donors aren't so happy about this.  Suddenly both egg and sperm donors dropped.  When we were getting ready to leave the law makers were talking about putting a small egg on the birth certificates if the child was conceived by donor eggs.  I never heard if they would do... something, if it was from donor sperm.  The reason behind this was parents not telling their kids the truth.  Personally, I felt this was the government overstepping their bounds.  I never heard if it went through, but I would wonder if more kids would be looking up their bio parents in 18 years if it did pass. 

Now where does Kaitlyn Joy fit into all this???  First off to many people know we did IVF to keep it from her.  I wouldn't want her finding out by someone else and thinking any differently about herself so we talk about it.  Why would I talk about it with a five year old?  I would rather her grow up knowing then have to tell her at 10, 15, 25...  We used to play the I loved you first game.  I would say, "I loved  you when you were born."  Kj, "I loved you when I was in your tummy."  Me, "I loved you when you were in a petri dish."  Which she usually comes back with, "I loved you when YOU were in a petri dish."  One day when talking about the whole petri dish thing I explained what it meant.  We've talked about this a handful of times now.  I told her that God breathes life into most people the old boring way; while in their mommy's tummy.  We talk about how that's okay and "normal". But then, there are some super, duper, special people, like herself, who the doctor puts all the ingredients together in a petri dish and then God breathes life into them.  Once God gives them life the doctor puts them back into their mommy's tummy where they grow.

On a completely side note, I'm no longer a fan of Tyler Perry.  Any affections for his movies and all the humor they carry were lost on me when he made a joke about IVF conception.  I was seriously done with him after hearing his joke in I believe it was Madea Goes to Jail.  Madea and her brother are bantering back and forth.  Her slur to him was saying he was conceived in a petri dish.  I'm cool with her calling him an old man, saying he's gassy, say he stinks or has hammer toes.  Pick on his bunions, non-working nose or some other thing that came on after birth.  No one can help how, where, when nor to whom they were conceived and it shouldn't be joked about.  I would be furious if anyone teased Kj because of how she was conceived.  She didn't choose it nor would she be here if we hadn't done IVF.

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