Wednesday, March 16, 2011

This Too Shall Pass

You know sometimes you don't feel like praising God when things are going wrong.  Sure it's easy when your life is peaches and cream, but even Jesus didn't have everything run smoothly for him 24/7 while he was on this earth.  I love Casting Crowns song Praise You In The Storm.  It's an excellent reminder to not crawl in a hole when you feel like you're on a ship about to go down.  I have to give equal props to some of Jeremy Camp's songs.  He knows what it's like to walk through the muck and claw your way out the other side.  When he was 23 he went on the road only to learn his former girlfriend (21) was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  He rushed home, married her, then told her goodbye three months later.  I Still Believe was the first song he wrote after losing her.  He remarried a few years later.  When his wife was three months pregnant with their third child she went in for an ultrasound only to learn the baby had passed a week earlier.

My half naked child just ran up the stairs with her open cheese stick.  She informed me she didn't want to wear her pants anymore.  It's interesting to me that she's fine going all day in her panties, but knows she shouldn't be completely naked.  For the record I don't let her run around in panties.  I do find her that way sometimes.

I always hesitate when I see comments that need approval.  I've had people leave nasty ones in the past when I talk about trying to get pregnant.  Sure those who post might know what it's like to not get pregnant, but for some reason something just doesn't click in their heads that just because someone has one child, they might want another.  They don't know what it's like to see success the first time then three failures in a row.  Actually fertile people struggle with this understanding too.  When I thought of my cousin a little bit ago and how she lost her baby - one she thought she could never conceive - early on, I remembered her almost sister-in-law telling me that she just needed to get over it.  No matter what I said the almost SIL just couldn't understand what it's like to deal with infertility, have success which is then followed by a loss.  I'll be honest, when the conversation happened and earlier when I remembered it my first thoughts were "I wish you many losses".  Yep, I thought it.  I probably should be ashamed, but heartless people don't seem to learn without walking in your shoes.  I was talking to an infertile friend of mine about pregnancy a while back.  We were discussion how it doesn't seem right that after our great fight to get pregnant, not to mention the financial, emotional, and physical toll it takes on us, that some still miscarry early, birth sleeping babies or their child passes shortly after birth.  We both agreed we would rather the treatment not work then to get a positive only to lose the baby.  Now hopefully God has a 10th inning planned here because otherwise it does seem cruel to let me get this far then take it away.  Okay, I don't really believe God does things to us.  I've read Job.  God doesn't do it, but he allows it.  I sure hope He puts His foot down this time and we don't end up with empty arms come October.

"Even when I don't see, I still believe."  ~ Jeremy Camp

No comments: