Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Lost Dream

Kaitlyn Joy
Please pray for Jamie. She's a friend of mine that I've known for years, didn't talk with for a while, then reconnected with recently. I've never met Jamie in person. I got to know her around the time I got pregnant with Kaitlyn Joy and she her daughter. We went through the ups and downs, bleeding, cramping, and nausea of pregnancy together. During her pregnancy she was put into the hospital on bed rest. Before long, at 30 weeks, she delivered her little girl via c-section. She's a Halloween baby. Kaitlyn Joy arrived less then two months later three hours short of Christmas Day; she was 3 weeks and a day early. Five days later I brought Kaitlyn Joy home and two days after that her daughter came home from the hospital. When Jamie's daughter came home our girls were 2oz apart in weight. Our daughters were only home for a couple months when we started talking about trying again. Two rounds of IVF and one FET (frozen embryo transfer) later, not to mention a year and a half we called it quits.

Jamie's little girl

Infertility really takes a toll on your finances, health and sanity. You focus your whole life on getting pregnant. Sure Kaitlyn Joy was learning to walk, climb and talk all in the middle of it, but in the back of my mind, I'm missing the child who isn't present. It was hard to let that child go. It was important though. I needed to be fully present without looking to that next treatment.

Now fast forward two years. Jamie had tried the same drugs that worked before and moved on to IVF. It failed. She then went to her backup plan of a FET and today learned it failed too. She's done. My heart breaks for her. I know what it's like to have to pull the plug on your dream. I know what it's like to have your heart break multiple times a day for weeks when your arms are aching for the baby who isn't filling it.

Infertility is a cruel, cruel joke played on those of us who really want a baby. Are we selfish for wanting more then one baby? Let me ask you, are you selfish for having more then one just because you can? No it's not selfish to want another child; not for any of us.

Please pray for Jamie. She needs peace and comfort when her arms are aching for her lost dream.

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